Cloud on the run (George Washington)
by Bernard Offa
Summary: Where our choices meet our dues. That is where our honor lies. -George Washington
1. Chapter 1

Cloud was on the frozen wastes. In his right hand was the tool of his own unmaking. He drank deeply, trying to drown out the sorrow. There was a knock at the door of his mind and he answered it the same way he always answered the knock on the door of his mind...with beer...

The memories were old and faded but he remembered them like they happened yesterday.

"George Washington get in the fucking van!" He cried. "Would you leave the money?! This job has gone ape shit! Get in the van!"

George...he thought. he was thinking. What have I done to you?

It was supposed to be a simple smash and grab. No one gets hurt. But then George Washington had to go playing the hero... 200 million dollars in one dollar bills. 200 million tiny george washington faces on green paper. It was gonna be so sweet, so poetic. but then everything went so had the gone wrong? To answer that Cloud was going to have to go back, back to the source. Denzel. The man who had orchestrated the whole thing. if anyone knew who the rat was it would be Denzel. and the rat. Denzel and the rat...unless Denzel was the rat, then it would just be Denzel...Denzel the rat!

Cloud threw his bottle and it landed on some snow and didn't smash. How ironic...

"I'm sorry George..." cloud said in tired defeat. "...I let you down."

Denzel resided in a brick house in the frozen wasteland. not the best real estate but when your the biggest mover and skaker in the criminal underworld it doesn't hurt to live in a brick house in the middle of a frozen wasteland. Obviously.

The door swung open. Forcing cold winter air into the room and extinguished the fireplace.

"Cloud?! but...but...but...but...I thought you were dead." Denzel stammered.

"So did I, turns out I was just in Nebraska."

"I don't get that reference." Denzel shrugged. "Is that a movie quote or something?"

He was lying...Cloud could see it on his lips.

"You always were a lousy liar Denzel. Unforgiven 1992, starring Clint Eastwood."

"I don't know what your talkin' about."

"You piece of shit." That was the last straw. Cloud drew his sword and killed a waitress who wasn't really paying attention. She was delivering a tray of onion rings when the buster sword severed her in half spraying blood and half digested food over the patrons and completely ruining the onion rings.

"Kill him!" Denzel shouted.

The restaurant erupted into chaos. Steel flashed under the dull light. Blood splattered on the walls and ruined more perfectly edible onion rings. A guard with a machine gun peppered the place where cloud had been standing but he had jumped out of the way, inadvertently shoving another waitress into the maelstrom of lead, she burst into pulverized meat and spilled onion rings instantly.

"How many more have to die, cloud?!" Denzel barked.

"Just one."

"Oh...seriously just one?"

"Yes." Cloud said coldly.

"That's not so bad..."

"Just you!"

"Oh, well that is bad." Denzel reloaded his revolver. "too bad...too bad for you!" He stood up and shot.

Cloud grabbed a passing waitress and ran towards the bullets. The girl screamed in agony as she absorbed the abuse of the .44 magnum and sprayed Onion rings from her tray. They were close now and Cloud swung wide blindly cutting the girl in half and severing Denzel's head into two half heads.

"Unforgiven...1992..." Denzel fell on the floor landing on a tray of previously unruined onion rings.

"I'm sorry George Washington." Cloud said.


	2. Chapter 2

George Washington woke up tied to a chair. He didn't know where he was, he didn't remember tying himself to a chair. that wasn't a good sign. More likely someone else had tied him to a chair.

"Who tied me to this chair!" George Washington pondered aloud furiously like a raven in the cold night of winter's grasp.

There was no answer...

He striggled and broke out of the chair and ran out the door of the room.

"Very industrous...for a capitalist!" A voice laughed in the dark.

"I know that voice anywhere...It's King Henry the 8th my old rival.

"No it's not." The voice was insulted. "It's me Denzela, Denzel's twin sister."

"Of course! Show yourself you nigger!"

"Whoa! That's a bit much isn't it?!"

"Where are you!?"

"Right here!" Suddenly the lights came on and George Washington was surrounded by fifty thugs and the middle of where they were was Denzela in a chair under a spot light she was laughing.

A rumble ensued.

meanwhile back at the brick house in the frozen wastes Cloud was lookin for clues. he found one in the form of a letter addressed to George Washington it hadn't been mailed.

"Dear Mr Washington please go back to where you came from we won't need your services."

Signed Henry the 8th of England.

"Wolfman Jack!" Cloud yelled.

He got his motorcycle and went to Wolfman Jack's house.

"Whoa!" Wolfman Jack yelled as a motorcycle burst through his front window and collided with the crib holding his 2 month old baby. "What the heck?"

"It's me Cloud."

"Oh hey what can I do for you bro?"

"I need you to check the authenticity of this letter."

"No problem." He held it up to a candle. "It's the real deal dawg. What's this all about?"

"No time to explain wolfman jack." Cloud got back on his motorbike and burst out the window again.

"Classic Cloud." Wolfman Jack shook his head and smiled.

Cloud went as fast as the bike could go and accelerated faster still.

"You can't go that fast!" He remembered the voice of his old friend George Washington. That was the first time they met. How much they had changed since then.

"Shut up you geriatric old fag." Cloud had said and then they beat the heck out of eachother. They had been best friends ever since.

Cloud sped up even more and exploded through the glass panes of a church.

"What in blue blazes!" The priest shouted.

"I'm here for the truth!"

"If you mean the word of God than you have come to the right place." The priest beamed.

"This is God." Cloud said and flashed his sword.

"Oh, then I guess I'll start worshiping that. Fuck I've wasted my whole life."

"Where's Henry the eighth!"

"The king of england?"

"YES!"

"..."

Cloud realized the answer had been in front of him the whole time. This priest was secretly the king of england!

Cloud laughed. "You almost got away with it too, Henry..."

"What gave it away?"

"The church...on the front lawn the sign says beware of vampires this halloween."

"So?"

"So only the Church of England acknowledges vampires!" (Editor's note: My own research has proven this false since the publication of this story. sorry)

"Well you're too late! My bomb is already flying through the air or whatever!"

"What?"

"What? What's up?"

"What was that about a bomb?"

"Wait, what was it you were after, let's start there."

"Where's my friend George washington!"

"Oh he's in the back of TOYS R US, where you can find the largest selection of toys for all ages! Don't miss this summer's sale and don't forget to exchange your air miles for your holiday shopping!"

"I won't...do you think I'm an idiot..."

"Well I guess you'll be off then...Unless you want a back rub or something."

"What?"

"What? I was just...joking or whatever." The king laughed nervously. "Well...peace out."

Cloud got on his bike and exploded through glass back onto the street.


	3. Chapter 3

Cloud exploded through the front window of TOYS R US, sideswiping an old World war two veteran violently and knocking him into a concrete support beam with incredible force.

"Hi there." A TOY R US employee greeted cloud. "Can I help you with anything?"

"Cut the shit you Gypsy slut! I'm here for my friend!" Cloud demanded.

"Oh Mr Washington? He's in the back, killing some of Denzela's thugs with his drunken boxing style."

"Oh thank you. I guess what they say is true. TOY R US's specialist are always ready to help are always available. No hassle no problem." Cloud smiled.

Cloud's motorbike exploded through the door to the employee's only zone.

"George you're alive?!" Cloud said with surprise.

"Not for long if you don't come over here and help me!" Lincoln laughed.

"Here!" Cloud said and tossed George Washington the machine gun that used to be Barret's hand but Barret had died from gangland violence so it wasn't like he was going to miss it.

"Thanks!" George Washington roared and put the machine gun on his hand and killed the rest of the bad guys.

"What took you so long!?" George Washington panted.

"How about a thank you?"

They laughed.

"So what's the plan Cloud?"

"We need to take the fight to Denzela where did she go?"

"Probably back to the Congo where she came from, you know how they are." George Washington said.

"Jesus Christ, George..."

"What?"

"This isn't the seventeen hundreds, can you lay off with the racial shit?"

"The hell are you talking about?"

"Every eight seconds something vile comes out of your fucking mouth, it's like hanging out with a clansman. Can you get a grip on that shit?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yeah well maybe that's the problem."

Just then a man with a hamburger for a head burst through the door. "You're all under arrest!"

"Ah shit!" They both said in unison.


End file.
